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Coambs says the addict’s mindset goes something like this: “I feel really bad about what I’m doing.I don’t know how to stop myself, so I’m going to buy things for my family as part of a mask or a way to keep them at distance. Daddy loves you, Mommy loves you.’” Coambs says a sex addict also might turn to shopping, enabled by purchases made on a credit card, as “self-soothing behavior.” “It’s a way of trying to perk themselves back up after they feel the low of the sex addiction,” he says.“It’s an accumulation over a period of time that typically is what gets people in trouble.It’s the quintessential story of the frog in the boiling pot that doesn’t even know he’s in a boiling pot until it’s too late.” In general, Coambs says, one massive expense related to sex addiction doesn’t push an addict into financial distress.When coping with that sort of debt, secret credit cards can come into play. “Remember, secrets are the hallmark of an addiction,” she says.In some cases, a spouse will have credit card statements mailed to a clandestine P. See related: How couples can recover from financial infidelity, Card fraud and opioid addiction: Crimes that go together We encourage an active and insightful conversation among our users.Usually, the erosion of financial stability happens slowly, with debt piling up in 0 or 0 increments rather than in one ,000 chunk, Coambs says.It’s the quintessential story of the frog in the boiling pot that doesn’t even know he’s in a boiling pot until it’s too late,” Coambs says.

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Once the man’s employer uncovered his credit card shenanigans, the padded expenses had reached 0,000 a year, Giugliano says. Frequent business trips like the ones taken by the fired executive can provide cover for out-of-control sexual behavior and, in some instances, out-of-control credit card spending.The man was wealthy enough that he could easily pay off the debt.But every once in a while, his wife would figure out something was amiss, so the man would just cut up the secret credit card and open another hidden account. They’re addicted to the drug, and the drug [addiction] just progresses and the expenses get increased.” When excessive spending accompanies out-of-control sexual behavior, it’s critical for a sex addict to face financial reality, says Barbara Winter, a psychologist and sexologist.John Giugliano, a psychotherapist specializing in sex addiction and former president of the Society for the Advancement of Sexual Health (SASH), says the problem is real, but “the name of the problem is controversial and still up for grabs.” He prefers to use the term “out-of-control sexual behavior.” (On his website, Coambs provides tests to help determine whether you’re a sex addict or a money addict.Keep in mind that a professional should make the actual diagnosis.) Giugliano notes that while there’s plenty of research about gambling and credit card debt as well as shopping and credit card debt, there is no research on out-of-control sexual behavior and credit card spending.“You hardly ever see people before there’s a crisis.” Coambs says guilt about out-of-control sexual behavior also can prompt an addict to engage in credit card-powered overindulgence to appease his spouse and kids.

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